I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
