one might say we're banned from that church
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
