You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
