haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love accidental penises.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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