This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
