dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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