I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
