I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
