The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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