all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
