I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh god it's open bar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
