Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
