he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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