I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I checked into jail on foursquare
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
