I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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