You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
