dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
