hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
