dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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