would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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