its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
