your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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