You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
