Just cropdusted the office
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
