im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I need to stop coming to work sober
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
