I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
