i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
