this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
