so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
