You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
