i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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