My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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