Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
