Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
