I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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