well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
