My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
