i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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