I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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