Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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