You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
