So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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