yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
