This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
