ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
