How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
