Kiss
Puke
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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