You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
