When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just pee around me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
