The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
