Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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