I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
