I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
