it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
